Living this Polyamory lifestyle successfully requires a few things.

One must: be open, honest, patient and be an excellent communicator. If you’re currently in a primary relationship and are looking to open it up to include secondaries, some negotiation with your primary must happen first. You both need to agree on: how much time will be devoted to secondaries, will you be sharing (as in threesomes) or will they be independent relationships, are you ok with secondaries being in your house/bed, will the three of you do dinner or other everyday activities together from time to time? Then comes more technical stuff… what kind of activities are ok? Are you comfortable with your partner having hot, steamy sex, but would prefer they not kiss the other on the mouth? Do you want penetration reserved for only you two, but fondling up to third base is fine? And, my own two cents, I don’t care what your situation is, discuss safe sex expectations! It’s not only your health, but your partners that may be put in jeopardy.

Be aware… you can negotiate all this to death beforehand. Your partner may say, “oh sure, I don’t want to limit you, I’m fine with all of this, go ahead and fuck her brains out in our bed with me reading a book in the next room”. And then, the first time it happens, you may emerge all sweaty and satisfied to find them huddled in a corner crying hysterically. It’s one thing to talk about being poly, but one never knows how they will feel until it’s put into practice. Thus, my advise is to start slowly. Begin with flirting in front of your partner, some light touching, and check in. Even the poly-est person who ever poly-ed can be affected by jealousy and insecurity at times. That’s ok, don’t call it quits just yet. Acknowledge these feelings, address them with patience and compassion, and renegotiate. Remember, this situation is supposed to make everyone happy if done ethically and consciously.

I’ve been asked, “but if you start dating someone outside the relationship, won’t that negatively impact your primary relationship?” Again, if done correctly and consensually, no. I like to use this analogy… if you have a child, and a second baby arrives, will you love the first one less? I sincerely hope not. Every relationship that we invest in should improve the quality of our lives. They should each provide something special and unique and precious that add up to a wonderfully happy and fulfilled you! Two happy and fulfilled individuals have a much better chance at succeeded as a happy and fulfilled couple, right?

I’d like to finish up by suggesting an utterly fabulous book on the subject: The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. (Available on Amazon.com and in most major bookstores.) This is a gentle, easy-to-read guide that addresses most possible challenges as well as the joys that come from open relationships.

One last word of caution: If your partner has expressed that their interest lies only in being very strictly monogamous, do not try to force them into anything outside of their comfort zone. If they convey an interest in giving it a real try, great! If not, respect their feelings and desires, or resentment may be well on its way already.

Wishing you a lifetime of love, adventure and mind-blowing sex.

Stay tuned for part II of this poly blog post series by subscribing to the rss feed or email alerts.

My kinky sex life gets more outrageous every day. From new BDSM classes (pretty much every night of week in the SF Bay), new sexy lesbians I meet in the Mission and my travels in adult webmaster parties at places like the Playboy Mansion, I live a life most only dream of. I hunt pornstars and point you to adult toys that work and porn that doesn\'t suck. If you like kinky sex, you will love my blog. Please let me know what you like most or want more of here.  To change this standard text, you have to enter some information about your self in the Dashboard -> Users -> Your Profile box. Read more from this kinkster

Tags: Hot Sex, Hot Steamy Sex, lifestyle, Negotiation, Open Relationship, polyamory, Polyamory Lifestyle, Relationship Tips, Relationships, Safe Sex, Threesomes
Categories: poly lifestyle

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 29th, 2009 at 6:00 pm and is filed under poly lifestyle. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.