Open Relationships 101: From Bisexuality to BDSM

Here’s the post I asked my poly lesbian lover of 2 years to write cuz she’s all into presenting this kinda thing while I am more just into orgasms…lots of orgasms. I have to break it up into two cuz she’s such a geek she has so much to say but I don’t think you will find her overcoming her gay-ness any time soon, nor her poly-ness…

I am currently dating an incredible woman… She is married to a wonderful man. She lives with him, has been building a life with him for over a decade, runs a business with him, etc. They are primary partners. So, where do I fit in?

Well, I am a secondary partner in their lives. I see my girlfriend once a week on average… sometimes more, sometimes less. Normally we spend time alone together, either at their house, or out on the town. We are close, we are intimate, and yes, we have sex. You may think of me as this woman’s ‘mistress’. But here’s the beautiful part… ready for it? *Everyone knows!* Everyone involved, including her husband, knows of our relationship, and encourages it. There are no secrets, there’s no sneaking around, no deception, no lies, no cheating! Imagine that!

There is a brilliant quote I’d like to throw in here from America’s all-time best-selling psychiatrist M. Scott Peck as published in a Playboy Interview: “There is no such thing as a marriage that does not have to deal with the problem of fidelity or infidelity. One of our myths is that we should be completely happy and fulfilled by one woman or one man. That’s nonsense.” I couldn’t have put it better myself.

In this writers humble opinion, putting all of your eggs in one basket is not only silly, it’s dangerous. No one person out there in the world can possibly fulfill all of our needs and desires by themselves. But we, as a culture, keep trying to force our partners to. Ladies… how often are you forced to attend your man’s sporting events, when you would rather be *anywhere* else. Guys, how many chick flicks have you found yourself snoring through to appease your mate? These are very basic examples of course… but why can’t you do these activities with people who actually share your passion for them? It’s so deeply, horribly ingrained in our society and our culture that once we have a partner, we should adopt the things they’re interested in, and share in them. At all times. Quit torturing yourselves!

Back to how this relates to dating… let’s say my partner is feeling particularly needy one day. She’s had a bad day at work, maybe she’s pms’ing, she just had a fight with her mother on the phone… and I’m at work. I can’t talk. Unfortunately, I can’t be there for her. She has a need right now, a need for comfort and reassurance, maybe a distraction of a more primal nature. I’m not available. Should she curl up into a ball and wait miserably for me to come home? Hmm, just the kind of homecoming I want when I get off work.

Hell no! If we can seek what we need from a larger support net, we are much more likely to get our needs met. We don’t go around advertising that it’s best for a child to have a single parent… the reasoning seems so obvious. Raising a child by yourself is *hard*. Children need so much. Two parents can offer more time, love and attention. So why is it said to be so great to have a single partner?

Here’s an even better example. Let’s say that my partner is bisexual. She has fallen in love with me. We are thinking of building a life together, starting a family, living out the rest of our days side by side. Does that mean that she should swear off men for the rest of her life? If she does so, she is completely denying something that makes her happy. She is neglecting a need. When a person neglects their needs to appease another, this eventually leads to feelings of resentment toward the person being appeased. Resentment leads to frustration, frustration to anger, anger to fights, and both of these tend to lead to that evil word, divorce. (Or whatever kind of separation, given your circumstances.)

And forgive me, but here’s the question that begs to be asked. If you really, truly love someone, how could you deny them what makes them happy? (Long pause… think about it.) Can you honestly love someone and tell them, “oh, and that thing you enjoy so much? Well, it’s outside of *us*, so, never again”. Not exactly a becoming trait in anyone I’d wish to date.

So… is it possible to have your cake and eat it too? Yes! Will it be easy? Like most things in life worth fighting for, probably not.

Open Relationships 101: From Bisexuality to BDSM is a post from aKinkySexLife.com Thanks for subscribing to this RSS Feed. Stay tuned for some special naughty pix I promised to send to my feed subscribers. I will be including them here as soon as they are done!

Whether spanking sex is a hot new fetish for you or you’ve just never been on the giving end before, or if you enjoy delivering a bare butt spanking frequently, you can learn something from this post. I had my submissive sex toy write it, and she is well trained in our community by a whole lineage of dominant women who mentor the worthy. And worthy she is…

How to Spank Her Ass So She’ll Beg for More

A spanking can be gentle and loving or intense and painful, and either way, a whole lot of fun! It’s a great place to begin exploring S&M and kinky sex in general, cuz it’s pretty hard to cause major injury. Here’s an idea of the kink of hot orgasmic sex that spankings stimulate, in case you are curious: lesbian spanking sex video with Sinn Sage

Steps to Erotic Spanking Success

1. Always maintain control: avoid uncontrolled or unintentional pain to help promote trust and as much pleasureas possible by learning good technique
2. Communicate: discuss what you both find intriguing about spanking. Is it the physical sensation, the sense of vulnerability, the power dynamic, etc? Knowing why your partner is interested will give you most of the information you need as to how to deliver the spanking.
3. Boundaries: find out what your partner’s limits or boundaries are. Are they only interested in feeling your hand, or are they willing to try out a ruler, hairbrush, paddle, etc? Is it ok to leave marks on their normally pale ass? Would telling them what a ‘bad, naughty little girl’ they’ve been turn them on, or bring up emotional triggers from the past? Determine a “safe word” or some other agreed upon signal that things have gone too far and agree to stop if it is uttered. That way you can say “stop” and “no” and continue to play until the safe word is needed, if you want.
4. Determine Preferences: find out what kind of sensation your partner likes. Two common categories of potentially painful sensation are ‘thud’ and ’sting’. Some people lean heavily towards one or the other, and may find only one or the other pleasurable. It will serve you well to know their preference (though you may chose to withhold the preferred pleasure to mess with her head).
5. Assume the Position!

have your subject bent over your knees, laying across your lap, or bent over a desk or other piece of furniture.

6. Touch, Get Physical, and Get in their Head: begin touching him or her, run your hands over their ass, over their thighs and back, firmly grab their hair, position them to your liking. Most of all… let them know how much you are enjoying their ‘helpless predicament’. Let them hear your evil smile, and your passion or downright happiness about what you’re about to do!
7. Warm Them Up (skip this step for hardcore pain sluts): Many people, not all, thoroughly enjoy being ‘warmed-up’, and they also find that they can happily receive much more painful stimuli if properly prepped. This can be done by starting with lots of rubbing, then moving on to patting and brushing for a few minutes before putting any force into a spank.
8. Begin the Trance: If you wish to provide a meditative, cathartic, sensual spanking, try to build up a mostly predictable rhythm to your cadence. The fewer surprises that come, the easier it will be for your partner to enter a relaxed, trance-like state where they may simply soak up all the fabulous attention you are endowing them with. This won’t work for a true pain slut, for these types, proceed to the next step…
9. Pain Sluts: A true pain slut may be annoyed by a warm-up, or a beating with a more sensual tone. For those delicious types, spank away! Spank harder and harder until they use the agreed safe word or a standard one of “safe word” or “yellow” or “red” (yellow means it’s almost too much, red means it’s too much)
10. Aim for the Sweet Spot: The best area for spanking, the ’sweet spot’ as we call it, is right where the buttocks meet the top of the thighs. This fleshier part of the ass is the ideal space to smack. Hard impact on the outer hips is relatively safe, but not nearly as pleasurable, and too high on the ass you run the risk of impact on the tailbone.
11. Create a Thuddy Sensation: For those who prefer thuddy sensations in their impact play, a good rule of thumb would be to aim *through* your partner’s ass, all the way to your own leg. Imagine ‘follow through’ in baseball. You don’t swing the bat, and pull it back once it makes contact. You allow it to continue all the way around. This type of impact, if done well, can feel as wonderful as a deep tissue massage.
12. Create a stingy sensation: to sting her ass with your spanking, focus your aim on the surface of the ass. Swing down, and pull back once you make contact. You can also create this effect by using the pads of the fingertips rather than the whole hand. Some bottoms find sting to be considerably more intense than thud, and they can get off quite quickly from it!
13. Add in other Sensations: Once she’s all hot and bothered, mix it up a little. Grab her hair at its base and give it a solid tug, slip a hand in between her legs and tease about how much she’s clearly enjoying herself. Take a break from smacking to rub the warm, red ass, lightly run fingernails down her sensitive skin to create a new, surprising sensation.

Watch their body language throughout your scene. If she is arching her ass up towards you invitingly while making enticing, yummy noises, you’re on the right track! If she’s squirming too much (and not in a playful way), or arching away from the smack, it may be time to lessen the intensity or take a break to rub or tease. Body language and reactive sounds say more than words. She may be pleading, “no, ohhh, that hurts,” while wriggling seductively… in this case, chances are she’ll be rather disappointed if you stop!

Spanking 101: How to Spank an Ass So She Begs for More is a post from aKinkySexLife.com Thanks for subscribing to this RSS Feed. Stay tuned for some special naughty pix I promised to send to my feed subscribers. I will be including them here as soon as they are done!

Pain can be pleasure for pain sluts

I admit, I don’t always fly like this. This Domina is one of the top pros in town, and she read me like a book. Collaring me and making me kneel before her to become her pet sex toy, I entered a world of submission that is my most favorite place to be. Ironically, it’s where I get to be the most free. By agreeing to simply obey her every command while I wear her leather collar and to be in service to her desire, I am free from all the other rules of society, and I can explore the extraordinary potential of my mind and hers. The closest thing I could relate it to outside of this kinky world is in scuba diving, that feeling of being neutral in the water, using weights to keep so the breath carries me up and down in the water. Well, that’s nothing like it, except for the breathing.

well-spanked asses - see more photos and free video

The feelings I had as she raised the energy of each subsequent pinch, slap of hand, thud of flogger and sting of whip are hard to believe. Aside from the tools of a well equipped dungeon and gear, there was one tool in particular she used that is clearly her greatest power. It’s one that each one of us has and can assist us in many ways beyond kinky play. Read on to find out what that one tool is and hear details of how she got me to orgasm through spankings.
That tool, the thing that gave her the power to bring me to climax, is something we all have: breath. She used breathing techniques familiar to musicians, yoga freaks, healers and dancers. It is so powerful, by breathing into the deep thuds of her flogger I was able to experience the force of her energy traveling through the leather into my body swirling around, until it was almost too much. She’d instruct me to take a deep breath just before her heaviest use of the flogger on my ass, and sure enough I could take it each time, heavier than the last. We got into a rhythm of breathing together and soon she no longer had to tell me when to breathe. It just happened. Eventually I was so worked up I felt I was going to explode. My orgasm felt like a rush of water hitting pipes so fast it burst them open, my hands, legs, and feet pushing out against the bondage devices that bound me. My pussy throbbed and pushed outwards, and I became almost limp.

As she felt my orgasm, she knew it was the perfect moment, with my ass all sensitive and red, any resistance eliminated, to bring out the single tail whip. Each biting sting upon the flesh so swollen red was more intense than the last. I thanked her for each one, it was the most delightful sting, riding all those endorphins and I was truly grateful. She kept a steady rhythm, building once again until the last 4 stings, once again brought me to new heights, writhing against the cuffs and straps that bound me. Again my pussy began to throb and as our breathing once again rose to nearly a moan, I came again. She came over and pressed her cool white flesh against my red swollen ass, pinched and caressed, swirling the sensations around.

She took me off the bench, tied me facing forward to a large cross, and began to flog my tits and cunt very deliberately and softly at first, building with the breath again, this time gazing into my eyes in a way that has me still thinking of her spirit. We became one. She could have done anything to me. After a nice flogging that built me back up again, she had sensitized my nipples so she could play with pain there. Each pinch and twist, all the time breathing together, gazing deeply into each others’ eyes, we connected, I surrendered, she raised her knee to touch my naked shaved pussy, firmly but not moving at all. As I flew into the pain again with her loving support, I came again, dripping down her leg. She held me there against the cross for a while, pressing her hot body against me, breathing together, riding the swirls of energy like a bird rides the wind, together. I thanked her over and over again, she removed the collar and our scene came to an end.

see more scenes like this at Whipped Ass

If you are not done and want more head over to my favorite place for kinky inspiration: Whipped Ass is a great site with hot women tied, spanked, and treated much in the way I just described. it’s a great place to view tons of free photos to get bondage ideas, Free Spanking Video from best spaking site, innovative ways to tie someone, and the looks on their faces as they writhe in the pleasure of pain is priceless.

How to Enjoy a Spanking – Hot FemDom Left Me Dripping Wet is a post from aKinkySexLife.com Thanks for subscribing to this RSS Feed. Stay tuned for some special naughty pix I promised to send to my feed subscribers. I will be including them here as soon as they are done!

First she had to overcome the fear of getting too far into S & M play. I discovered that she wanted spanking and light bondage, and she thought she wanted to learn to tie knots. Her initial resistance to all of this was reduced by my insistence that she trust me. I knew she wasn’t ready to take on being on top. She brought a male friend into the lesson, and he was a willing subject but not too keen on getting tied up. I explained how much fun the bottom has and she announced suddenly “I think I am a submissive!”

That was my signal. I threw the boy aside, put her in the corner and got to work. First step: BLINDFOLD. It’s the most magical piece of equipment to have, lets us isolate the senses and begins to alter the consciousness. I learned she was eager to be taken down, rather than surrender willingly. Finally after all those times she had me do stupid stuff at work, I had my way with her…

I grabbed her by the hair on her neck and slammed her to the floor. This is a great trick for newbies. Just about anyone with a submissive streak will respond to hair being grabbed behind the neck. If they don’t, they are not relaxed enough or not submissive or willing in that moment. She went right into it. But then she put up a fight. I took her down and pinned her on the floor, getting her hands into the velcro cuffs just in time. These special easy to handle bondage cuffs are in most adult stores now. I made her stand in an awkward position and kept touching her back and spine, going down towards the base to connect with her root energy with one hand as I firmly insisted she do as I say.

Eventually I felt her resistance wear down. She was flying. I taught her “the position” with hands tied to bedpost, bent over, feet spread wide apart on the floor, heels turned out, and ass presented as high up as possible with a nice arch in the back. Once she did this, I spanked her with my hand a bit, to warm her up. I felt her energy rise, and then I switched to the flogger. She was being so good about presenting her ass, that I took a chance and let a few slaps of the flogger hit between her legs.

She loved it. I could feel her getting wet. I struck her pussy over and over with the flogger, saying “you like it when you get your pussy flogged, don’t you?” I made her repeat it louder and louder, alternating between flogging and rubbing it with my hand. She almost came, I felt it. I wound the scene down so we didn’t get too far into it on the first time.

We shared a very intimate embrace and I felt how surrendered and serene she was. I don’t know what will happen next time we play but she thanked me for showing her how fun it could be and said she was no longer afraid of it going too deep. She wanted it as deep as it could be.

I left saying, I finally know what it’s like to fuck the boss.

BDSM 101: Domination Fantasy Realized is a post from aKinkySexLife.com Thanks for subscribing to this RSS Feed. Stay tuned for some special naughty pix I promised to send to my feed subscribers. I will be including them here as soon as they are done!